As the year moves into Winter, I can honestly say that 2014 has been the BEST year in my life ever!!!
I only discovered this fact recently…
On initial reflection, it has been an immense year of being new-in-business whilst also living a fairly frugal life. There have been ample struggles, fears of the unknown, essential learning, ever-evolving, growing and some fun moments too.
But, it has definitely been my BEST year ever!
You may find solace in the story I am about to tell you and find some truths that resonate, so please do read on…
Let me explain:
“Are you doing your BEST?”
I have always dreaded the word ‘BEST’.
My childhood Nemesis …. the BEST version of me!!
A persona I have been actively running away from since I was a teenager.
You see, when I was 18, I judged the BEST version of me as not quite good enough; so I ditched her in my 20’s and 30’s for a less effortful ‘that’ll do’ version.
What happened?
Throughout my childhood, I carefully heeded to the advice of well-intentioned authority figures around me. They frequently suggested that I should always do my BEST…
“It doesn’t matter what the results will be, as long as you do your BEST,” echoed in my ears on a regular basis. Can you relate?
They were intended to be words of comfort and ease for a young Sensitive Soul. They were supposed to come from a place of love and experience.
As a studious ‘People Pleasing’ daughter, sister, pupil, friend; I often pondered what BEST was supposed to look like, as if I did not appear to know.
I remember questioning myself “Well, have I done my best here?” and thinking things like, “Well, I guess, if I got up 2 hours earlier to revise for my exams, perhaps that was not my BEST, so I better get up 3 hours earlier tomorrow.”
This mentality went on until I was sometimes waking 4.30 AM weeks before exams, in order to give of my BEST. I mistakingly thought there was always more I could do to prove I was doing my BEST….and so it went on…
I felt the essential and serious need to do my BEST in ALL that I did… It became my Mantra…
And then:
And then, by the age of 18, I remember becoming tired of being my BEST. It was as if the carrot dangling towards a positive future was turning into a stick and all I could see was further striving, striving, striving.….Ugh!!
My BEST was neither good enough, nor exhilarating…. “Do your BEST and be your BEST.” I heard it everywhere…woven throughout the fabric of my world..in the classroom, in the media and between friends…. But , deep-down, I was unnourished by the effort and expectations needed to be my BEST..
Then one day:
One day, I stopped giving my BEST and put up with ‘making do’ instead…being average…being a bit dim…being hidden. I thought that this was the only way to maintain any vitality and energy.
Many years passed, avoiding being my BEST…But, I was feeling a little empty inside….
So, to cut a very long story short;), I had disowned the BEST part of me. My natural child-self was already the BEST version of me.. The ‘Wild thing’ who played in the mud, painted like a demon and daydreamed about her latest creations. My BEST was buried deep inside in the core of my belief system, where it occasionally rippled to the surface in various shadow guises.
Today, things are different:
During the later parts of 2014, something changed within me. After contemplating what doing my BEST really means, I pondered how I could re-frame it in a healthy way. I now appreciate and love being my BEST and see how it has taught me a valuable lesson in how to be in my life and business. I hope it will help you too.
I want the word to feel uplifting for me and for YOU: to feel nourishing for body and soul.
What did I do?
BEST is now an acronym for:
Boundaried
Expansive
Supportive
Truth
I like to utilise the question, “Am I doing my BEST here?” against the day-to-day activities I take part in.
Is the activity mindful of clear and kind boundaries which are safe and respectful?
Does it give me the feeling of lightness and expansiveness in my body, rather than the feeling of crushing and smallness?
Does it feel mutually supportive in some delicious way?
Is it aligned with my inner truth, my heart and wisdom?
Simple!
This simple shift in focus has had a huge impact on my belief system and has contributed to my BEST year ever!
I hope you found some resonance in this blogpost and I wish you all a Merry Christmas and an even Better New Year!!!
Warm wishes,
Lisa xx
This is the video I was listening to when designing my Snowflake image 😉
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your mantra here. I love this legacy you’re living right now. A healthy and empowering reframe of a carrot/stick I’m sure so many can relate to.
Lisa Barber recently posted…The 15 ways to build the “Know, Like, Trust Factor” on a Budget
Thank you Lisa!!! We are becoming quite a resonant team;) and I look forward 2015 and starting your awesome new website ;))))))
i can relate Lisa! And know the sifting done to come back to the surface with a new reference point for Best! Love your new meaning to this loaded word.
And love love love your art!!!!
Oh thank you Mary for the compliment;) I cannot believe how often I still here the word used…and I feel for the children too xx
I always appreciate your soulful words and reflections, Lisa. Inner work yields magic. And thanks for Kate Bush. An added touch of depth and visual pleasure. XO
Miriam Linderman recently posted…Are You Killing Your Self-Confidence with This Habit?
Thank you Miriam … I too appreciate your words and reflections and am touched by your words. I am glad you like Kate Bush… I love her Christmas album. 50 words for Snow 😉
Lisa I love this post ! Thankyou for sharing your story and it so resonates with me. As a sister sensitive soul (!) I’ve felt the weight of that word ‘best’ on me too … and it’s not helpful.
I so much prefer your version – YES!
Boundaried
Expansive
Supportive
Truth
Now that’s something I can definitely lean into and enjoy in my being and my ‘do-ing’
Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and your BEST 2015 ever! xx
Ann Brown recently posted…How To Overcome Shyness
Ann, it means alot to me that you resonate with this message as we are kinda Sensitive Soul Sisters which I love ;))))) I hope to gradually catch up with myself and find a delicious way to reengage with my business and social media.. Meryy Christmas and Happy New Year!! I look forward to catching up with blogpost reading and am intrigued by your recent title xx
Very thoughtful post (as ever) Lisa, as Miriam says inner work always leads to magic.
It’s heartwarming to know how the re-frame has taught you how to be in your life and business and I look forward to seeing more of that in your beautiful work. xx
Lesley Pyne recently posted…3 ways to take control at Christmas
Thank you Lesley…you could say I have been transforming gradually into my art business butterfly over the past 12 months but also dealing with some past history obstacles along the way…xxxxx
Beautiful post, Lisa, thanks for sharing.
I love love love your BEST reframe, especially the apparent paradox of ‘Boundaried’ and ‘Expansive’, which is really powerful.
Wishing you the BEST Christmas and New Year ever!
PS: And thanks for the beautiful screensaver – will think of you every time I log on between now and Christmas 🙂
You’re welcome Linda and I am so glad you love the paradox!!!!! Warm wishes,
Lisa xxx
I love this post and the reframe of your BEST – thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much Lizzie! I am so pleased you relate to what I am saying ;)))) Have the bEST Christmas and New Year! xxx
Lovely post Lisa – I love the ‘boundaried’ part, how interesting. I’m a ‘play in the mud’ creature too and that makes me feel that there should be no boundaries – the world should be free (picture me dashing about waving my arms wildly while saying this 🙂 ). But of course I have learned that that doesn’t work. While it may feel good for a while it rapidly depletes my sensitive energies and leaves me feeling washed out, empty and grumpy! So I love the question “Is the activity mindful of clear and kind boundaries which are safe and respectful?” and something I will be writing in my planner (when I collect it again 😉 ). Have a wonderful Christmas break.
Rosemarie recently posted…How many Social Media streams are you coping with?
Oh Yes Rosemarie, I can so picture the running wildly…and isn’t it interesting how boundaries help us feel expansive…but we have to be mindful of breaching those boundaries 😉 Have a lovely Christmas too xxxxxxx
Hello! I’m a brand new commenter here, I think. Just wanted to say that I loved this post and am really glad you’ve had an amazing year.
I agree with your new definition of ‘best’, too. 🙂
Louise recently posted…T. H. White on Learning
Thank you so much Louise …. Yes….if you can’t beat them join them…what I mean by that is, if it is an overused word then secretly we can smile and know a better re-frame of it that is much healthier 😉 Have a wonderful Christmas and Happy new Year 😉
Wow, you pretty much described my childhood on the ‘as long as you do your best’ front! I admit I still loathe that phrase ‘do your best’; I never felt I was really doing my best because I could always find ways in which I could’ve done something better. Not to mention the implication that if you don’t do your best you’re not good enough. I love your acronym! Beautiful reframe. I love that you gave that to yourself and completely changed the whole energy around it.
Tara recently posted…why i don’t think of myself as an artist
Tara, I am so glad you get it and also see its toxic effects on childhood ….I understand that some people like to compete and strive to thrive….but when you are a person who simply likes to be and experience the moment and moodle in creative thinking etc ;))…it’s pretty hard to live up to be the do your ‘best’ as it has so many meanings with more complex thinking and reflection… really quite damaging and stifling. I too, could not shift my thoughts around it and hated the word and changing the energy has certainly helped 😉 My BEST solution for this! Have a wonderful Christmas!!! xx
Ooo, I love this. It feels so like you with the delightful promise of all that is unfolding for and with you. Such wonderful encouragement for all of us to relax into being fully ourselves.
Oh thank you Mo …delighted to hear from you and looking forward to your website launch ;)))) Merry Christmas !! xx
Wow. So much positivity. Love it!
David Ryan recently posted…thecalculatr.com
Thank you David 😉