grassofparnassusHave you ever had those times where you find the courage to show up in the arena of life and have a go….. but it then feels yuck?

You basically put your heart and soul into something because you love what you are doing. You are passionate about it and you want to share it with the world?

It feels incredibly uncomfortable and totally out of your comfort zone, but you are also loving the journey and not…to the point of almost wanting to give it up before its even got going?

Can you relate?

Yep, well that is me right now. I am experiencing a vulnerability hangover and it is draining my energy and affecting my confidence to keep showing up and having a go. I launched my first product on Sunday. Hurray!  Yep, my 52 Plant Ally Deck of cards: a project that I have loved creating and planning. I was so happy to see 50 people sign up to my interest list (some big beautiful surprises for me in there too) and my confidence was beginning to rise. I think I ran around my flat a dozen times screaming when Susannah Conway commented on my Instagram feed that my cards looked amazing!! I had a whole range of products mapped out from that moment. Ha ha.

But, I was not quite expecting the amount of emotional turmoil of self doubt, fear of criticism and being judged, fear of failure popping up all over the place: the old stories. I have spent so much time researching and creating these beautiful cards and caught up in the passion and flow of making them that I forgot how much I need to receive love, validation and acceptance for what they are and what I have done. I feel frustrated that I can’t just settle for self love of my own achievements.

I also have a plethora of advice and activities that are supposed to help dig me out of this hole…things I have picked up over the years. I forget that when you are actually in the hole it is hard to feel and find a way out. Right?

So what’s my advice?

snowdropWe are in this together…we are all doing our best and we all want to be loved. There is something about leaning in and allowing my body to feel and be in this uncomfortableness….a kind of surrender to the not knowing, in the hope that the energy of this turmoil will fizz through and out of my body. There is something about ‘little steps’ and just taking gentle exercise outside, eating nourishing food, asking for a hug, opening up about the angst and sharing it.

I have 50 packs made and I may never produce any more. Regrets? Nope…but I have to acknowledge how fragile I am right now and the difficulty finding the courage to keep going no matter what the outcome may be.

So, I hope you can connect with this feeling and it would be lovely to know your thoughts. Do comment about your own experiences and ways through.

Love and light to you,

 

Lisa x