Have you ever had those times where you find the courage to show up in the arena of life and have a go….. but it then feels yuck?
You basically put your heart and soul into something because you love what you are doing. You are passionate about it and you want to share it with the world?
It feels incredibly uncomfortable and totally out of your comfort zone, but you are also loving the journey and not…to the point of almost wanting to give it up before its even got going?
Can you relate?
Yep, well that is me right now. I am experiencing a vulnerability hangover and it is draining my energy and affecting my confidence to keep showing up and having a go. I launched my first product on Sunday. Hurray! Yep, my 52 Plant Ally Deck of cards: a project that I have loved creating and planning. I was so happy to see 50 people sign up to my interest list (some big beautiful surprises for me in there too) and my confidence was beginning to rise. I think I ran around my flat a dozen times screaming when Susannah Conway commented on my Instagram feed that my cards looked amazing!! I had a whole range of products mapped out from that moment. Ha ha.
But, I was not quite expecting the amount of emotional turmoil of self doubt, fear of criticism and being judged, fear of failure popping up all over the place: the old stories. I have spent so much time researching and creating these beautiful cards and caught up in the passion and flow of making them that I forgot how much I need to receive love, validation and acceptance for what they are and what I have done. I feel frustrated that I can’t just settle for self love of my own achievements.
I also have a plethora of advice and activities that are supposed to help dig me out of this hole…things I have picked up over the years. I forget that when you are actually in the hole it is hard to feel and find a way out. Right?
So what’s my advice?
We are in this together…we are all doing our best and we all want to be loved. There is something about leaning in and allowing my body to feel and be in this uncomfortableness….a kind of surrender to the not knowing, in the hope that the energy of this turmoil will fizz through and out of my body. There is something about ‘little steps’ and just taking gentle exercise outside, eating nourishing food, asking for a hug, opening up about the angst and sharing it.
I have 50 packs made and I may never produce any more. Regrets? Nope…but I have to acknowledge how fragile I am right now and the difficulty finding the courage to keep going no matter what the outcome may be.
So, I hope you can connect with this feeling and it would be lovely to know your thoughts. Do comment about your own experiences and ways through.
Love and light to you,
Lisa x
I DO absolutely connect and love the way you write about this. And thank you for writing about it because I truly believe so many of us feel this way but we are showing up and doing what we can. And you are doing it beautifully. xxx
Rosemarie recently posted…What happens when your web designer goes AWOL?
Thank you Rosemarie. I think we can sometimes get a different impression of things. We assume that so many people are just creating effortlessly and making things and that we are the only ones feeling angsty…Thanks for your support here 😉
Lisa what a wonderful and honest post! To be feeling so raw and then speak of it is very brave and inspiring. I am so looking forward to the cards – I can tell from the screen of my laptop that your images are powerful and full of life and I can’t wait to explore them in the cards, right in my hands and with your energy shining through.
I love what you say – I have often found Pema Chodron’s words useful at these times. She talks of just staying in your seat when things feel so hard all you want to do is run. Just staying with it and discovering you do survive the discomfort.
I also found this “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
― Pema Chödrön
We throw ourselves out of our nests all the time when we create and when we risk and then, we fly!
love Kate x
The snowdrop is utterly lovely. Is that one that will be coming?
Oh Kate…so many words here…. ‘ staying in your seat….thrown from the nest’ they really resonate. Sometimes no matter what we do to understand and embrace vulnerability, we still have to endure the uncomfortableness of being with it…Thank you and yes Snowdrop is on its way to you. XXXXXX
Lisa, I don’t actually know you but your soul and your artwork is BEAUTIFUL. I love the raw honesty in this post. Your advice is exactly the conclusion I’ve come to over and over the past few months: We need each other. Any notion out there that says we need to be self-sufficient and “strong” all the time is just inaccurate, in my humble opinion. One person’s love and caring can totally change another’s experience in a second. That’s just the way it is. Why? I guess it’s because at our core, we’re all connected. Congratulations on your latest creation!
Stephanie Lin recently posted…Want to end your suffering? Here’s the truth.
Oh thank you Stephanie for the compliment and also highlighting that we are all human and interconnected. Our mind can tell us so many things that are untruths.over the years I have had so much nourishment from sharing and being in mini community containers or face to face. Thank you of reminding me of that xx
What Stephanie said!
Miriam Linderman recently posted…It Takes Time To Know Yourself
I love posts that are about people showing up human and vulnerable. I love this post because I have been wanting your cards SO much and when I thought about them, I simply wanted to see the images, the beauty in the images, hold them. I envied that you now had a product that will bring money. Who wouldn’t want that? And it will. What do they call it? Passive income. Passive income from magical cards. Yay! You better order more if you are at 50, because I want them and I’ve been debating with myself because of the shipping cost!
But the most important thing I want to tell you is that when I thought about your cards since they’ve come out, I knew that you had absolutely channelled them perfectly as the inspired vehicle that you are, through that part of you that does not get touched by vulnerability or doubt. Of this, I am sure.
You deserve the joy and pleasure of knowing that your cards are perfect and resonant with those who want them. xo
Miriam Linderman recently posted…It Takes Time To Know Yourself
Oh Miriam there are tears right now.
I love how you recognise the magical ease of the cards (in being channelled and created) and also the impression that can be given to the world when a product is made… I feel that too…often 😉
The shipping is a real bind and something I have tried to consider in my pricing, but it is still expensive. But I am sure, when the time is right and opportunity knocks, I can find a pack for you…Thanks xxx
Just to be clear, you cards are priced perfectly. Just having to be fair when someone else is paying the bills around here for now. I will get a set. FOR SURE!
Miriam Linderman recently posted…It Takes Time To Know Yourself
I so understand that and I knew exactly what you meant. I am in the same position right now where my partner is supporting me with much while I build my business. When you do get a pack, they will feel the more sweeter and delightful and an appreciated gift to self x
Beautiful and inspiring blog Lisa, I really love your honesty and integrity.
You could be writing for me too – vulnerability does suck AND it is our most accurate measure of courage.
To do this work that we love so much requires us to grow and expand, both of which require courage and therefore vulnerability.
I know we’re both walking the path of growth and courage. If (or maybe when) I get a vulnerability hangover I’m willing to walk through it because it means that I’ve expanded my comfort zone and that’s what I want to do.
And Brene Brown says that if you don’t feel any vulnerability hangover, then maybe you didn’t go far enough.
So bring it the vulnerability hangovers I say 🙂
Lesley Pyne recently posted…Had enough of the winter blues? How gratitude can help.
Fabulous Lesley and you also reminded me where I had heard the term before….of course Brene Brown our fabulous inspiration… I am always shocked how crap it feels to be in it and that it is like starting again learning to cope with it… I look forward to the acuteness of it passing and I will be asking for support and validation in Secret Six 😉 thank you xx
I just ordered mine. I too bet your run out soon! They look beautiful. I am looking forward to enjoying them myself and using them with my coaching clients. (and encouraging them to order a set for themselves!!)
Because YOU were vulnerable, we get to practice courageous vulnerability too. Love it.
Oh thank you Mo for your continued to support and encouragement. I do see these cards will be great to pull in a coaching session to see what comes up for them. Great idea and thank you for recommending. I plan to send them today and hope they reach you safely and that you love them as much as I do. Warm wishes, Lisa xx Because you get to practise courageous vulnerability too, I feel better….it’s a win:win!
What I got from this is that someone else recognises that time when everything is going well and suddenly you (I) lose confidence or feel a dread that logically shouldn’t be there. Am I worth it? Who the hell do I think I am? Other people don’t charge for cancellations. Blah, blah, blah.
Thank you. If you go to that place, maybe it’s ok that I do. x
Thanks Janet…the thing that has helped me pull through this more than anything else is the ‘me too!’ . In this moment, while sitting in the shit storm of self doubt, that is what I am able to grasp hold of and bob up to the top of the water. Thank you all for supporting me just when I needed it most. I am so glad I wrote this post from the heart and live in the moment. I am off to the post office now 😉 Lisa xx Thank you
Lisa, this is beautiful. Straight from your big and generous heart. You know how I feel about you and your creative expression. But I get that when we’re in ‘the eye of the storm’ we need to know it deep within ourselves for it to be true. I read a wonderful article just yesterday about how creative people do things differently. “Creative people have likely been through hellish experiences, but these experiences give life to their work. They feel inspired by what they learned from their setbacks, and transmute the negative energy from the pain into something positive.” Can you relate? Hug x
Lisa Barber recently posted…How to be a Mumpreneur (when the odds are stacked against you)
Oh yes I can Lisa . I can relate to that so deeply. I will dig around for the article. It sounds fascinating. Thank you for your continued support. Warm wishes, Lisa xxxx
http://www.powerofpositivity.com/25-things-creative-people-differently/ x
Lisa Barber recently posted…How to be a Mumpreneur (when the odds are stacked against you)
Thanks ;))))
Lisa,
I am touched by the beauty of your work, and the tenderness in your heart. I know that place of vulnerability in risking to express your truth. All the past conditioning rears up the instant you meet that point of maximum extension. Then come the tears, body shakes, and such discomfort that you wonder why you ever did it in the first place! Well, that’s what happens in me, anyway.
I choose to see it as a breaking away of the old precious pieces as I step into a new self, a self that now has a greater capacity to give the gift I was born to give. I see beauty and soulful essence in your deeply moving work. I’m glad you took the risk
Thank you so much Will. I am deeply moved by your words and how you express the feelings of vulnerability. Writing from the heart can feel the easiest and hardest thing to do all at the same time.Thank you for your kindness. ‘Breaking away of those precious pieces’….yes xx
Oh my, Lisa. You can see from all the comments how much your words resonate with all of us. Thank you for having the courage to stand in vulnerability and grace as you complete your cards. They are crazy beautiful.
Thank you Jo. It is amazing how we all share these experiences, yet for years it was taboo. ‘They are crazy beautiful’ I love that description ;)) <3 xx
I agree with the wonderful thoughts that others have written and I also wanted to say thank-you for such an incredible blog. Your words “We’re all in this together” really, struck me and has given me such comfort this morning as I struggle to make progress with my own projects. Thank you so much for your bravery and honesty.
dawn recently posted…How I’m stopping my laptop slump
Thank you Dawn. It soothes me to know that my words were a source of comfort for you today. Yes it is amazing how our perceptions can knock us of course as we feel we are alone in our struggle and everyone else is do on it;) thank you we are all ebbing and flowing, birthing, growing and letting things die away and renewing…
Lisa you know how much I love all your work and creativity and when you finish each piece it is like letting it go out in the world and giving yourself time to re-energise ready for the next project to spark.
Watching your cards come to life has been totally inspiring and incredible to watch you bring them to life.
The whole creative process does leave us, me included, feeling vulnerable and exposed, that’s the beauty of it and then from somewhere we replenish and find the courage to carry on.
What I am learning is to go easier on myself and allow myself some time to regroup and my mojo returns. If I battle on it becomes far more of a struggle.
Yes Melanie, being brave enough to go easier on ourselves, owning it and keeping on going… I love the Austin Powers reference to mojo 😉 x
Dear Lisa, I can SO relate! (and obviously, so can quite a bunch of us 🙂 )
I go through these ups and downs all the time. Putting your heart into something, really believeing it will mean something to someone else, and then getting little or lame, response – that’s so hard to handle. One of my mantras is “love the few” from one of Corrinas posts – that even if my work only is appreciated by a few persons – or even if it only helps ONE – it will still be worth it. To look at those people who actually DO “get it” – even if most people don’t. And to trust that with time I will reach more and more of those who are truly my tribe.
I really love the cards, and look forward to recieveing them in a hopefully close future. Thanks for making them, and putting them out there 🙂
Ann-Sofi recently posted…What to do when life sucks
Yes !!! I too have adopted ‘ Live the few’ Mantra since Corrinas posting and it deffo does help … Gradually things will build momentum over time. Thank you so much for sharing your story too . Cards on way on Monday ;)) xxxx
Lovely Lisa, I can totally connect to this feeling and I really hope that in writing this absolutely beautiful post, and having so much well-deserved feedback and support, you have now moved beyond the raw stage and are stepping back into your grounded strength. You are one of the purest, most gentle, beautiful souls I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with it, and because of that, you will always have moments where you feel raw and vulnerable – the world can feel abrasive when you are such a sweet soul. As I am currently processing very raw emotions myself, I am really grateful for your beautiful cards – they hold such healing energy within them and they help me every day. Thank you xx
Helen Rebello recently posted…How to Step Into Your Potential (With Extra Super-Powers)
Thank you so much for your kind words Helen. They mean so much especially when you have met me face to face and worked with me. I am so glad you see the healing energy within the cards.. They feel very, very special. Thank you xxx
Gosh I can so relate to what you say about wishing that my own validation was enough! And truly, watching you create these BEAUTIFUL cards and seeing them be unsurprisingly popular, I, like many others I’m sure, didn’t consider the ‘backlash’, for want of a better word, that so often comes {privately} with creating something you’ve poured everything into. I kept being so impressed by how seamless you made it look, from idea to production, and really I know better than to assume that what social media tells me is the whole story. 😉 Anyway, all this to say I hope that you navigate the sticky part quickly so you can enjoy the fruits. In fact I’m a little late to this post so I’m sure you’ve moved forward by now. 🙂 Congratulations on creating something beautiful AND useful and rich.
Tara recently posted…how to move beyond the fear of creating
Thank you Tara for commenting here….Yes I too was surprised how gut-wrenching uncomfortable it actually feels to let something go out into the world. social Media can be such a snap-shot of the sides we want to show and overlook the sides we hide.
I am getting through this phase, though my sleep is not good at the moment…having a people pleasing disposition often leaves me oversensitive to constructive feedback..For example, two people out of 50 requested that it would be lovely to have Latin names and one person requested they would love to see a booklet. I then spent three full days collating all info together to create a temporary Free PDF to help people and sent them to all purchasers…even though I knew inside that the magic of the cards are to open up and tap into our own wisdom of interpretation with the most simplest of prompts (visual art meets a word)etc..So, I am moving through…but gotta ease up on myself more and enjoy the ride and tap into the original magic of creating the cards in the first place 😉 Thank you for commenting xxx
I really get that desire to cover all bases and keep everyone happy. I too often have no idea where to put a line between what I {feel able to or want to} give and what people additionally suggest or request. It’s something I’m learning to navigate! I think you make a good point that returning to your original purpose can help realign you. Standing by that can be hard but what you made is unique and lovely and has value exactly as it is, as many people have attested. 🙂
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